Men vs. Women

> MEN - PAY ATTENTION
> WOMEN - YOU'LL UNDERSTAND PERFECTLY...
>
>
> 1. NAMES
> If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will
> call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
> If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer
> to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
>
> 2. EATING OUT
> When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in
> $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything
> smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
> When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
>
> 3. MONEY
> A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
> A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't
> need but it's on sale.
>
> 4. BATHROOMS
> A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush,
> shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from theMarriott.
> The average number of items in the typical woman's
> bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these
> items.
>
> 5. ARGUMENTS
> A woman has the last word in any argument.
> Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a
> new argument.
>
> 6. CATS
> Women love cats.
> Men say they love cats, but when women aren't
> looking, men kick cats.
>
> 7. FUTURE
> A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
> A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
>
> 8. SUCCESS
> A successful man is one who makes more money than
> his wife can spend.
> A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
>
> 9. MARRIAGE
> A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but
> he doesn't.
> A man marries a woman expecting that she won't
> change and she does.
>
> 10. DRESSING UP
> A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the
> plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a
> book, and get the mail.
> A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
>
> 11. NATURAL
> Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
> Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
>
> 12. OFFSPRING
> A woman knows all about her children. She knows
> about dentist appointments and romances, best friends,
> favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
> A man is vaguely aware of some short people living
> in the house.
>
> 13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
> Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's
> no use in two people remembering the same thing.